After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
