he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
