That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
