i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
