i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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