just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
