mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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