K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize