so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hippo gnu deer
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
