also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
