we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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