Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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