Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
