Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
