I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
