Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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