bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
