My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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