piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize