I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
