dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
