If i come over, it means nothing
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
