Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need moral support for this bender
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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