Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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