Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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