I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
