you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
