girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
