I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
