You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
