oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize