That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
