??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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