in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
