what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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