i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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