I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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