I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
