Where is the hickey?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
