apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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