What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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