...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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