There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
