you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
