I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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