I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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