I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
