Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
