so let's talk penis.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
