She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My dick has a subreddit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
