My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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