Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
