i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
