some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
