i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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