Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
