I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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