no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
