It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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