..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
