i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
