so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
