I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
