I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
