The maid of honor just puked.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
