Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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