I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
