I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Mom said you looked used
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
