i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
